Sense of humour

u always do tis at home sifu?

It was the first day of school, and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, was entering the fourth grade.

The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?'"

She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.

"Now," said the teacher, "who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?'"

Again, there was no response except from Toshiba. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."

As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: "Damned Japanese."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.

At that point, feeling completely disgusted by Toshiba's classroom superiority, a student in the back sighed and said, "I'm gonna throw up."

The Teacher asked, "Who said that?"

Again, Toshiba raised his hand and said, "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Well suck my dick!"

Once again, it was Toshiba with the answer: "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997."

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused.

A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

The farmer says, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?"

"Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

The man said, "Okay, but that's not so bad."

The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened then?"

"I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Again?" said the man.

The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So, what did you do then?"

"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."

"And then?"

"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."

"Hmmm..." said the man.

"Some things you just can't explain," replied the farmer.

"So, what did you do?"

"Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can't explain."

:farao:

Nice one Li Ren, i saw this too in MW

simmon wrote:Nice one Li Ren, i saw this too in MW

Ya..The description really good..Anyone wants to translate it??

best post.... uncle simmon.... u balik la..... ppl china very good. u only england goodenesss...

Nice one Li Ren. Hope to see more of this.

post more funnny stuff... very boring la if not... sian...

Please contribute something here, don't talk nonsense

Application Form
================

Name: Ah Boy

Age: Still young

Sex: Never. Still under age

Religion: I only have experience praying my cat who dead 2 years before

Race: I love to race, how you know?

Nationality: I don't like National, I prefer Sanyo

IC Number: 6735

Telephone number: House no telephone

Hand phone number: 3310

Address: Penang Jelutong

City: Norhaliza?

Postcode: I never post anything

State: In my family, I am 2nd

Country: I love to travel to Canada

Marriage status: Secret

Email Address: Hotmail

Education Background: My teacher said not bad

Working experience: Last time got sell pirated VCD

Father's name: Daddy

Father's IC: You ask him

Mother's name: Mummy

Mother's IC: You ask her

Current Salary: Depends on my daddy mood

Expected Salary: As much as you can pay

When can start work: Depends on my mood

Highest qualification: Ya, very high

Grade: Ya, very high

College/University: College

Signature: Can I use chop?

seem like simmon sifu filling up the form that day.

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they both wanted to go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time that they could together.

As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages.

Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't want to do this and increased his calls, letters, and e-mails trying to win back her love. After a while she became annoyed, and because she now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.

So, what she did is this: She took a polaroid picture of her, sucking her new boyfriend's penis, while almost naked and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."

Well, needless to say this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was pissed. So, what he did next was awesome.

He wrote on the back of the photo the following, "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time in college, please send more money!" and mailed the picture to her parents.

the power of photo.

A long married couple came upon a wishing well.

The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The husband decided to make a wish too.

But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The wife was stunned for a moment,

But then smiled,

“It really works!”

Remember to pay toll


The best place for ramp guy to sleep without being noticed from the back


Oops


Sleeping on tree


Sleeping parade


叠罗汉

All sleeping??

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.

Sex in Retirement

Two men were talking. ' So, how ' s your sex life? '
' Oh, nothing special. I ' m having Pension sex. '
' Pension sex? '
' Yeah, you know; I get ! a little each month, but not enough to live on! '

________________________________

LOUD SEX

A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
' I ' ve got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we ' re in bed and my husband climaxes,
He lets out this ear splitting yell. '

' My dear, ' the shrink said, ' that ' s completely natural.
I don ' t see what the problem is. '

' The problem is, ' she complained, ' it wakes me up! '

________________________________

QUIET SEX

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
During a recent lovemaking session,
' How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm? '

She glanced at him and replied, ' You ' re never home! '

________________________________

CONFOUNDED SEX

A man was in a terrible accident, and his ' manhood ' was mangled and
torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could
give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn ' t cover the
surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for ' small,
$6,500 for ' medium, and $14,000 for ' large. '

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
To talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.

' Well, what have the two of you decided? ' asked the doctor.

' She ' d rather remodel the kitchen. '

________________________________

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX

A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their
40th wedding anniversary The husband yelled, ' When you die, I ' m getting
You a headstone that reads:
' Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever ' . '

' Yeah, ' she replies, ' when you die, I ' m getting you a headstone that reads:
' Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last. ' '

________________________________

WOMEN ' S HUMOROUS SEX

My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said,
' This will make you happy tonight. '

He was right. When he went out of the bedroom,
I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn ' t get back in.

________________________________

ELDERLY SEX

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from Bingo and found
Her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman.
She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony
Of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder,
The judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense.
She began coolly, ' Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could
have sex...
He could also fly. '

Lavatory Notam-

Mr. Murugan: What is another word for CHILDRENS?
Class: (quite for some moment and...) KIDS!!!
Mr. Murugan: Another word.
Class: (quite for some moment and...) TEENAGERS!!!
Mr. Murugan: Teenager? OK let see. Imagine there is an 80 years old grandmother and next to her is her son who is 60 years old. A guest comes along and the grandmother says, "Hello, meet my 60 years old teenager". The son says, "Hi, I'm her TEEN-A-GER"
Class: (laughing their asses out)
Mr. Murugan: The word begins with an O.
Class: (quite, no response, blur)
Mr. Murugan: O, F, F.
Class: (quite, no response, blur)
Mr. Murugan: O, F, F, S.
Class: (quite, no response, blur)
Mr. Murugan: O, F, F, S, P, R, I, N, G.
Class: (quite, no response, blur)
Mr. Murugan: I've spelled it out already.
Class: (quite for some moment, still a bit blur, started laughing and then proudly shouted) OFFSPRING!!!
Mr. Murugan: Yes, it is OFFSPRING. So next time, when a Mat Salleh ask you, "How many offspring do you have?" You don't answer them back, "Sorry, I don't carry off any spring!!!"

There was a bear and a rabbit.
Now Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much and one day, whilst they were walking through the woods they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: "Ooh, I don't often meet anyone in these parts." They were amazed that the frog had talked to them.
The golden frog admitted: "Mind you, when I do meet someone I always give them six wishes. You can have three wishes each in this case.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.
Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.
Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himselfShaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.
The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.
Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!

Like your jokes.. where you find them??

Nice joke.... i really laugh out loud in the office... HAHA!!!!

changshong wrote:Like your jokes.. where you find them??

Got it online last time:

Next....

On a farm in the country lived a man and a woman with their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out the window onto the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she possibly continue to feed her family now?

In a depressed state, she hung herself.

When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation and shot himself in the head.

Now, the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow), and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank.

She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next, the second-oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river.

The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right."

And although the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field, and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect, and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid.

"I have seen all that has happened, and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request.

Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"

And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not thirty times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health."

Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"