Sense of humour

Tom had been in Police work for 25 years.

Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in
Western Australia as far from humanity as possible.
He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month.
Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his
door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a
Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about
5:00...'

'Great', says Tom, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local
folks. Thank you.'

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.'

'Not a problem' says Tom. 'After 25 years in the job, I can drink with the
best of 'em'.

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops.
'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too.'
'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! .. I'll be there.
Thanks again.'

'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,'
'Now that's really not a problem' says Tom, warming to the idea. 'I've
been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what
should I wear?'


'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'

笑趣！！！！ HAHAHA
damn GAY!!!!! If i were Tom, i would kick his balls and kill him
since the land is so freaking BIG!!!!

My wife treats me like a god...

She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.

I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous
I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before". "Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can".
I said, "I think my penis tastes funny..."

misfit_hau wrote:I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous
I was embarrassed, but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional, I've seen it all before". "Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can".
I said, "I think my penis tastes funny..."

Wow, this is a good one Next time if face this type of situation errm...

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in an Indian restaurant in New York . Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India ?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I wont be knowing, but I will ask the Chef .After he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'The Chef , Captain, my boss they all say there is no Indian Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!'

Listen you ass holes , I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter. 'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Coconut Jews & Tomato Jews! - No Indian Jews OK!!!!!???!!!

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: " I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"


"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.


"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he,mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing in the morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.


"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"


"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.


"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
"WWWHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice one Max, joke like this can change a person's mood

LOL, not bad. Stuffs like this happens during a misunderstand .

hahaha, nice one, max~~

A Taiwan guy walked into a bar in USA. He saw his favorite director Steven Spielberg. He went near Steven and asked for autograph.

In reply, Spielberg slapped him and retorted "Taiwanese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Taiwan guy replied, "It was not Taiwan that bombed your Pearl Harbor, It was Japan."

"Taiwanese, Japanese, Chinese, Korean, you all are the same," replied, Spielberg.

Now, Taiwan guy stood up and slapped Spielberg and said, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked Spielberg said, "Hey, it was iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Taiwan guy retorted, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you all are the same."

wao~ max, this one give me a "cool" morning with my hot nescafe~ lol~

HORROR at Lonavala: True Story Chilling Real story!!!


This happened about a month ago near Lonavala. A guy was driving from Bombay to Pune and decided not to take the new expressway as he wanted to see the scenery along the old road.
The inevitable happens and when he reached the mountains his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he started walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It was dark and rainy. And pretty soon he got wet and Shivering. The night rolled on and no car passed by.
Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him. It slowed and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opened the door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leaned forward to thank the person who had saved him. He realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming. Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life.

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small town.

He stumbles into a restaurant, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through.
There is dead silence in the restaurant when he stops talking ..... . . . .
.
.
.
.
......and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk in. Santa points and says 'Look Banta - that's the idiot who got into our car when we were pushing it.'

nice 1 simmon
wakakakakaka
ROFL

A man joined a Satanic cult and started praying to the dark one. Lo and behold, Satan actually appeared with a big hammer in his hand and asked him to make 3 wishes.

"3 wishes? But I wanted 100."

"No, you can only have 3."

"But I want 100."

"Do you want to ask your 3 wishes, or should I leave?"

So this guy agrees.
His first wish is, "I want you to change this giant hammer into a small wooden stick."
And so it happens.
His second wish is, "I want you to stick this wooden stick up your arse."

No choice left, Satan pushes the stick up his arse with tears flowing down his cheeks. He roars, "Ask your third wish!"

"I want you to grant me my remaining 97 wishes, else I'm going to convert this stick back into the giant hammer..."

Moral of the story: You cannot get anything from the management until you put a hammer up their arse.

LOL, nice one misfit. But how do I do that to management?

grab important proj/task..... critical time... throw tantrum

misfit_hau wrote:grab important proj/task..... critical time... throw tantrum

buy me lens... or i'll tell your boss... lol

My boss asked me to work through my lunch break today.

I shouted, "You f**king b*st*rd! I come in at 8.30 and don't get thanks for it, work till 7 at night and don't get thanks for it, while lazy bastards like you leave at 2 just to play golf all f***ing afternoon!"

Then I emailed him back and said, "Sure boss, no problem"

misfit_hau wrote:My boss asked me to work through my lunch break today.

I shouted, "You f**king b*st*rd! I come in at 8.30 and don't get thanks for it, work till 7 at night and don't get thanks for it, while lazy bastards like you leave at 2 just to play golf all f***ing afternoon!"

Then I emailed him back and said, "Sure boss, no problem"

That's the way ...

Wiki leaks has just released an amazing new classified document!

It turns out that 9/11 was in fact not an al qaieda plot, but actually an experiment by an airline.....


women pilots and navigators.

misfit_hau wrote:Wiki leaks has just released an amazing new classified document!

It turns out that 9/11 was in fact not an al qaieda plot, but actually an experiment by an airline.....


women pilots and navigators.

LOL! Like that also can ar hahaha!

I'm a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt.

I was f*cking hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

misfit_hau wrote:I'm a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt.
I was f*cking hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.

sorry...i really cant get it... ROFL

Desmond, can't get it but you 'ROFL'? You know what does ROFL means or not?