Sense of humour

lol nice one....alot of witty wisdom included.

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got 'F' in sex."

gosh where do you find all these, there's some really nice ones in there XD

Fel,

I am a collector of various stuff.. lolz.. my source comes from everywhere..

1.
England has madcow,
Hong Kong has Macau ,
Russia has Moscow ,
S'pore has 2 famous cows-
'Cow-peh and cow-bo'

2.
When ur life is in darkness......
Pray 2 God and ask Him 2 free u from darkness.....
and
If u r still in darkness..Pls pay ur electricity bill.


3.
If u need ADVICE, SMS ME,
If u need DARLING, CALL ME,
If u need HELP, E-MAIL ME,
IF U NEED MONEY, Nombor yang anda dail,
tiada dalam perkhidmatan kami, Terima Kasih.

Ah Beng wrote to Ah Lian

Dear Ah Lian

Thanks you for your letter. Wrong time no see you. How everything? For me, I am quiet find.

You say in your letter your taukeh soh want you to chain your look? Somemore you must wear kick kok soo, hope you can wok properly.

You know, Ah Kau Kia working in a soft where company now. Last week, he take I, Muthu & few of his friend to May Nonut To eat barger. After that he take we all go to kalah ok. Muthu sing and sing no stop until the sky bright.

Next week, my father mother going to sellerbread 20 years Annie wear sari. My father mother going to give a fist to all the kampong people. So you must come with your hole family.

I only hope one day we no need to write and send letter to you and to me. Better I e-meow you, you e-meow me. I will ketchup with you soon. And when you got time, please few free to call me. Goo bye.....

Worm regard,

Ah Beng

LOL, nice ones especially on the typo ah beng letter haha!

come let us all go eat
MAY do NUT !

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives?

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk..
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

And last, but certainly not least:

14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.



Ultimate True Test:








Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open the trunk, and see who's the happiest to see you.

Photos courtesy of msusic of dpreview here

Wow, nice one LOL. Kesian Canon became the target.

I see his answers nothing wrong, he really found 'x'

Boy: "What does DNA stand for?"
Teacher (in bad mood): "Do Not Ask!"

got this from some forward mail...............


This is just too unbelievable! !!!!

I know some people like this!

You can't make this stuff up!




NEW YORK - resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation to her friends and family when she set a new standard for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV show, 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. '

Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck on the first question and proceeded to make what fans of the show are dubbing 'the absolute worst use of lifelines ever.' After being introduced to the show's host Meredith Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy initial $100 question.

The question was: 'Which of the following is the largest?'

A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming panic as she did not readily know the answer. 'Hmm, oh boy, that's a toughie,' said Evans, as Vieira did her level best to hide her disbelief. 'I mean, I'm sure I've heard of some of these things before, but I have no idea how large they would be.'

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines, the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon. However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans still remained unsure.

'Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!' exclaimed Evans... 'Darn. I think I better phone a friend.' Mrs.. Evans asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office assistant...

'Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I'm on TV!' said Evans, wasting the first seven seconds of her call. 'Ok, I got an important question. Which of the following is the largest? B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun.'
Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon. Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining ten seconds. 'Betsy, are you sure?' said Evans. 'How sure are you? Duh, that can't be it.'

To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined to take her friend's advice. 'I just don't know if I can trust Betsy. She's not all that bright.
So I think I'd like to ask the audience,' said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned 98% in favor of answer C, 'The Moon.' Having used up all her lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life..

'Wow, seems like everybody is against what I'm thinking,' said the too-stupid-to- live Evans. 'But you know, sometimes you just got to go with your gut... So, let's see... I'm going to have to go with B, an elephant... Final answer.'

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one waiting with bated breath - and was told that she was wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, 'The Moon.'




Caution... they walk among us






They Walk Among Us!


------------ ------- ------------ --------- --------- --------- -------

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it...'
For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'

The next day someone stole it!

They walk amongst us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -


I stopped at Mc Donald's and ordered some fries.

The girl behind the counter said "would you like some fries with that?"


------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------


One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted....
'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where? '

They walk among us!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for sometime.

She shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff....... '

They Walk Among Us!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the
sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said she 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

They Walk Among Us!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car which is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the car trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------


I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Ouch! The chain must rip out every time she turns her head!"
I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned....

They Walk Among Us !

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.

The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.

'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'....
(I work with professionals like this.)

They Walk Among Us!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------


While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and
the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces;
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

They Walk Among Us!



And last, but not least:
Dumb as a box of Rocks



A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF THE KIND OF REPRESENTATION WE HAVE IN CONGRESS, TRUE STORY:


A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'

'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.

Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''

Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history..'

Nice one Max, sounds right for some girls kaka!

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK
Wrote to his wife in India ...

Dear Sunita Darling,
I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has
Affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.

Your loving husband,
JITA SINGH


His wife replied...


TINKU KE PAPPA,
Thanks for the 100 kisses, Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...:

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord Balkar Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.

4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand..

5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.
Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance...

Shall I plan the same for the next month?

Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi

After an excitingly hot 69 position with his girlfriend, Mitch remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times, used dental floss 8 times & on top of that gargled 1 liter of Listerine. As he arrived at the dentist he sucked 2 strong mints. His turn came up & the dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed, Mitch opened his mouth wide. The dentist got close enough & said, "Man, did you have 69 before you came here?" Mitch said, "Does my breath smell like pussy?" The dentist replied, "No, your forehead smells like shit."

wa...so funny la... beh tahan...

Simmon, tx for sharing ...duno y recently kinda stress and become boiling hot edi... nid some laugh..

The 3 Kings.

Teacher :
Can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives?

Student :
Smo-king , Drin-king & F**-king...